This is a guest post by Brandon Mendelson, a comedian and social publisher. Sometimes both. You can learn more about him and his ridiculously sized nose by visiting Soap Box Included.
I’m a big fan of the Christmas season. Hanukkah isn’t really a huge deal despite what my non-jewish friends might tell you. And I’m also convinced Kwanzaa is a giant fake, but Christmas? I’m a fan. Even with its own sketchy origins, Christmas is the anchor for the month and a time where people are nice to those they hate. Which, is also how social media usually works.
Hey. Don’t blame me. Blame the snake oil salesman out there pushing “passion”, “trust”, “attention”, and other buzzwords.
So, if you’re looking to pass on the good will this holiday season, whether because you actually want to or because you’re trying to get something, I have some advice for you. This is what I think you should (and shouldn’t) say when wishing your friends and marks a joyous holiday season.
Hanukkah:
What you should say: Happy Hanukkah! Would you like to play the dreidel game with me?
What you shouldn’t say: Happy Chan-uk-ka! What night is this, five? When is this thing over with?
Christmas:
What you should say: Merry Christmas! Bonus: Merry Christmas! I hope you have a happy new year as well! (Don’t ever pass up the twofer.)
What you shouldn’t say: You know, Jesus wasn’t born on the 25th, so screw this. And screw you and your fake holiday. I’m going to go drop a load of coal on Santa’s desk.
Kwanzaa:
What you should say: I want to wish you a joyous Kwanzaa.
What you shouldn’t say: If I wish you a happy Kwanzaa, can I be sent to jail for perpetuating fraud?
You could always play it safe by saying “Season’s Greetings” or “Happy Holidays”, but don’t do that. That’s just an empty, soulless way of passing on cheap, non-goodwill to people. Stick to Christmas or Hanukkah, and if you’re really out of options, wish them an awesome Winter solstice.
