Foursquare is one of the fastest growing social communities on the Internet. In fact, BusinessInsider.com recently reported that the service is now receiving 600,000 check-ins per day. Businesses are surely loving the attention and new customers that Foursquare brings, and users love nothing more than winning the top honor for any establishment – the badge of the Mayor.
Mayors get all kinds of privileges depending on the business’ Foursquare policy – from free food to free drinks, maybe even public recognition on a busy night. But there are some places you would not ever want to be considered the Foursquare mayor of because of the embarrassing and pathetic image it would give to your character. Below we list many real-life businesses and organizations that you should be ashamed to visit enough to win the top spot at.
Massage Parlors
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Some Sample Locations:
- My Heavenly Hands Massage Parlor, New York, New York
- Bodacious Busty Massage, Los Angeles, California
- Pleasing Touch Bodyworks, Hollywood, Florida
We’re not talking about you health enthusiasts out there who enjoy the therapeutic benefits of legitimate spa treatment. No- we’re talking about becoming the mayor of a sleazy “rub and tug” oriental massage brothel on the side of town you don’t let your children play. If you’re getting up in the ranks for an establishment like the Bodacious Busty Massage in LA, you should probably start training in the art of police evasion.
Planned Parenthood
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Sample Location:
- Any Planned Parenthood, Anywhere, USA
Unexpected mistakes are easy to make in the heat of passion, and few could ever denounce you for making things right at the local Planned Parenthood. The problem comes when you find yourself competing with “@PimpinJack” on Foursquare for the number one spot at your local office. Don’t expect to get any free stuff out of the deal either – most of the necessary preventions are already offered for free at the front desk.
Sex Shops
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Some Sample Locations:
- Condom Kingdom, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
- Pink Pussycat Boutique, New York, New York
- MegaSex Inc, Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Every couple needs some new excitement every now and again, and the naughty selection of toys and outfits at the local sex shop is not a bad way to reignite an old flame. However, if store clerks are approaching you to offer free tubes of “Jenna Jameson’s Mystery Lube” as you walk through the aisles, maybe it’s time to cool it on the experimentation for a little while.
Discount Liquor Stores
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Some Sample Locations:
- Prom Discount Liquors, Littleton, Colorado
- El Cheapo Liquor Store, Marfa, Texas
- Double Shot Liquor and Guns, Schulenburg, Texas
Many respectable men and women enjoy a cold beer or flavorful mixed drink after a long day at work, and of course summer-time barbecues call for a bit more of a selection and a free pass to let loose for a day. But it’s when you start winning awards and being honored by small Internet communities for visiting the liquor store more than anyone else in your local area that you might want to pick up some Montana brochures and take time away for a little while.
The Pawn Shop
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Some Sample Locations:
- Shotgun County Pawn & Gun, Nashville, Tennessee
- Cash 4 You, Midland Park, New Jersey
- Hock It To Me, Tamarac, Florida
A trip to the pawn shop is very rarely a joyous occasion. Usually people find themselves pawning jewelry from a botched relationship, old musical instruments they gave up playing, or seeing what little money they can squeeze out of junk from the garage. if you find yourself the mayor of a place like this, stop getting engaged or find a new way to make extra money, because that is truly a crying shame.
Towing Services
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Some Sample Locations:
- Dyno-Mite Hooker Towing Service, Brooklyn, New York
- Aaaaargh Ye Stuck Towing Co LLC, Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina
Accidents happen to the best of us, and there can be no shame in calling in a tow truck to handle the rare occasion. On the other hand, if you find yourself in need of towing services so often that you become a top customer, you might want to reconsider driving school, or stop running “jobs” for the mafia. Unless of course you are an actual pirate, in which case being the mayor of “Aaaaargh Ye Stuck” in North Carolina could have its advantages.
Sperm Banks
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Some Sample Locations:
- Sperm & Embryo Bank of NJ, Mountainside, New Jersey
- Xytex Tissue Storage, Atlanta, Georgia
- Pacific Reproductive Services Sperm Bank, San Francisco, CA
A few too many beers and desperate financial times could cause a lot of guys to consider the fast and easy money making opportunity awaiting them at the nearby fertility clinic. However there can be no pride found in going back so often that your web reputation precedes your visit. Unless of course you plan to raise a legion of illegitimate super-children for some future purpose, but lets be honest – most of you are just trying to get extra money for that vegas vacation coming up in the fall.
